21st century dating

Having just read 5 blog posts which give you questions that help you fall in love with someone, or get to know someone better, etc., in the last 20 minutes, I can’t help but think of why such articles are so popular. I mean seriously, there are hundreds of these, and the extremely intelligent algorithms of popular search engines or social media websites tend to throw up more and more similar articles “based on what you just read”. This doesn’t help the fact that we often read a lot of the same regurgitated content, which is getting reinforced in our subconscious.

While it is true that some of these are good questions to get to know someone beyond the superficial small talk, there is definitely one HUGE loophole that seems to be often forgotten.

Yes, questions are great, it keeps the conversation going, it helps understand some of the most predominant thoughts one has. But you know what, Talk is cheap. Anyone can piece together your interests from various sources (social media and such) and have endless conversations with you, while telling you exactly what they think you want to hear, instead of their true thoughts on the subject.

For example, if someone wants to get to know another person, the easiest thing is to look at what they say, what they react to, and what they like on social media. And then say and do the things that you like. Yes, as human beings we tend to flock towards people who are similar to us, or our “type”, call it what you will.

The reality of the matter is anyone can say practically ANYTHING, but it isn’t really worth much if it isn’t reflected n their actions as well…

From experience, I can tell you about quite a few suitors who knew the perfect things to say, practically every conversation ended with, “oh my god, I feel the same way” or “I thought I was the only one who felt this way” or similar words of concurrence, which made me feel like I had finally found “the One”, someone who “gets me”, but when it came time to actually walk the talk, the moment of truth, if you will, they crumbled and ran away as fast as they could.

And unfortunately such experiences tend to slowly chip away at your (for the lack of a better word) self-belief, you slowly start to doubt your ability to judge people/circumstances, you second guess yourself. You find yourself in moments where you feel gullible or foolish for not having seen the red flags which were being waived in your face just behind the pretty words.

If something appears too good to be true, do yourself a favor and take a giant step back, just to be able to see if everything adds up. Train yourself to be an observer of behavior rather than words. Learn to appreciate the ugliness of reality (real actions, real time) instead of falling for the beauty of an illusion. Learn to hear the things that are left unsaid, to read the precious messages which hide between lines, identify the seemingly insignificant actions that go often unnoticed.

This life is it. It is not a dress rehearsal to some big future event, this is it! Learn quickly, don’t waste too much time learning the same painful lessons over and over again till your heart no longer has anything left to feel.

Wait patiently for the person, look for answers in actions rather than words. Wait to find a partner who will not only have the perfect words to say, and the perfect timing to say it in, find the partner, who even when there are no words, will do the right things. Wait for someone who respects themselves and you enough to show you their true selves, scars and all.

And before you seek such a partner, BE such a person. You know what they say about like attracting like right?

Be someone who lives and breathes your words, and soon enough you’ll find yourself around people who do the same as well. It may take all the patience you’ve got, but it will be worth it.

Most of 21st century dating seems to be about games, one upping each other, being the one that cares less. God forbid, the person you are interested in should ever find out that you like them!

I am both amused and annoyed by this, but hey, no one said it would be anything different. In the day and age where meeting people is as easy as swiping left (or is it right, I’m not too sure), but you know what I mean..:)

Welcome to the reality of 21st century dating, its kinda like hunger games, it is brutal, but the prize is something that we would live and die for…. Love, glorious life-changing maddening wonderful Love!

So to all those who need it, best of luck out there.

Until next time..

xo

 

Fitness faux pas

Just finished having lunch while reading a blog post about a 4 week diet that will help you lose weight, and a follow up post which is another diet plan for 4 more weeks to lose more weight, and I have to say, I wasn’t impressed. Don’t get me wrong, it was well written, and it did have meal options or snack options that I will definitely try to incorporate into my diet.

A little background, I have been working out for the last ten years now, having tried zumba, aerobics, going to the gym, insanity, and 7 years ago I settled into the practice of yoga and pilates, since these two give me the best results that I want, which is a sleek and fit body without being too muscular. I prefer this look since I am only 5’2″, and every ounce of extra weight tends to stick out like a sore thumb (exact words of advice that I got when I was 18 years old). As harsh as it may have felt at the time, it has motivated me to always be proactive in terms of my fitness routine. So a big thank you to the person who told me this.

After all these years, I can honestly say I love my time on the mat, I love how energized and fresh I feel after a workout. I feel sad and almost lethargic on days that I don’t workout. And if this was meant to be a post about the goodness of yoga or pilates or any other form of workouts that you enjoy doing, this post would’ve gone on and perhaps be made into a series. But that is not the point of this post. The point is as the title suggests.

The way I used to think about fitness until recently was that it was like a tripod, and the three things, all of which are equally important to be at your fittest best, are exercise, rest and nourishment.

That perhaps was my first mistake.

Fitness, however, is more of a balance between body, mind and spirit. (I know what you’re thinking, it seems hokey, and new age-y. It really is not)

The tripod that I mentioned earlier, which involves exercise, rest and nourishment focus on your body (your physical). Your mind and spirit, now those need a whole other kind of discipline and TCL in order to truly feel fit (a little about that later).

So some of the faux pas that I have noticed in my own fitness journey are:

#1. Fad diets

These are JUST awful. Lets be honest, they don’t work and they screw up your system in the long run. Your body needs quite a lot of nutrients to be healthy, so suddenly cutting out carbs or shocking your body with random “juice cleanse” or detox programs is not going to do you any good in the long run.

My ONLY diktat to myself when I have felt tempted to try a new diet, (which promises you the moon), is: I will only try it if I can consistently keep at it for the rest of my life. If not, Sorry, I’m sure it works as a temporary fix, but it is not for me. And the reason I stick to this rule of mine, is because I have tried these when I was in my teens and early 20s, and my body bounced back, simply because of age. As we grow older, the first thing that takes a hit is your metabolism, and please, for your own sake, don’t mess with it anymore.

#2. Low-fat or Zero-fat ingredients

If you see that something is low-fat or zero-fat, especially things that are supposed to fat in them, I’ve got two words for you to always remember: Chemical Shit-storm.

There was a time when ALL the food that humans consumed was “Organic”, sadly we don’t live in those days.

So if you see the label and it says, non fat, or gimmicky names like which suggest that it tastes exactly like an ingredient, but doesn’t have any of the ingredient in question in its contents, you can be sure that it is probably not good for you.

So stay away from such chemically enhanced products if you can help it.

#3. Fad workouts

The reason I avoid fad workouts is the same reason as above, my fitness goal is not to lose weight, but to be healthy and fit! As should be anyone else’s who wants to change their bodies for the better. Don’t go hurting yourself because you pushed yourself to do a workout which weakens you in the long run.

#4. Obsessing over results of friends (or worse, heavily photo-shopped celebrities)

This is a BIG one, and unfortunately I have been guilty of this. But here is the thing, every one of us has a different body, every single person has different issues, different problem areas, different environments, different resources (time, trainer, food etc.) so it is actually the most unfair expectation to keep from your body that you expect it to behave the same way as the billions of other people in the world that you see around you or see pictures of on social media.

Embrace the fact that you are unique, and different from the rest of the world, and love what you’ve got, and make your fitness goal about enhancing your body to be its fittest best.

#5. ONLY focusing on the body/ the physical fitness

This is something that I said earlier, and at the risk of sounding hokey, I’m going to say it again, fitness is not ONLY about the body. Sure, your body being fit is what the rest of the world sees to determine whether you are fit or not.

And the day I write posts which advocate seeking approvals or validation from the outside, it’ll probably be the day after never..:)

(I digress) Yes, physical fitness is Very important, but equally important is your mental and spiritual health. Focus on having a happy and joyous disposition, and feeling balanced, take a walk, clear out the clutter, unfriend those toxic people, say no to things that do nothing other than cause you stress, meditate (if that’s your thing), go for a swim (the noiseless calm when you’re under water, can be the most relaxing feeling ever). Develop a good attitude and build your own self-esteem, and believe me, you will start to feel so good (no matter what dress size you wear), and if that isn’t enough, the people around you will take notice as well (don’t think its possible? well, try it for yourself).

The Energy you will exude when you love yourself is something fantastic!❤

#6. Internet things

I know its the 21st century, I know that the internet is accessible by anyone and everyone at all time, and yes it makes life easier, and what not.

But perhaps it is exactly this that crowds us with a LOT of unwanted noise. (the irony is definitely not lost on me, considering you will find this post on the internet). And I am not talking about opinions and advice that get around, I am talking about the miracle pills, or corsets that shrink your waistline, or the tea which will melt away the fat, as if by magic. Trust me, the ONLY thing losing weight because of these miracles potions and pills is your wallet!

So try to think about what you choose to spend your hard earned money on, and more importantly what you’re willing to put into your body (if you mess this up, you can’t buy another one, so treat it accordingly, with the care it deserves).

Well, those are the 6 biggies in my book. And if you can, please avoid them.

And hopefully this post will inspire you to start something today which you can keep up for the rest of your lives (baby steps, people).

Until my next post.

Stay healthy, and be awesome!

xo

Art: January 2016

Lately my weekend plans involve painting, photography, reading, writing, yoga and a LOT of dancing, I’m definitely not complaining, cause there are a few of my favorite things to do.

Most of the things I have painted this year are gifts for friends, which makes me really happy that something that I have created gets a new home, and new love from my favorite people.. Just so I don’t forget when these were made, the plan is to chronicle everything I make on here as well… So here’s what I did in January 2016.

Week 1 (03 January, 2016)

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Week 2 (09 January, 2016)

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Week 3-ish (20 January 2016)

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Week 4 (23 January, 2016)

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So that pretty much wraps up the month of January for me, painting-wise at least.. There is still one short work week, one holiday and one weekend left before 1/12th of 2016 is done and over with.

Seriously, I wish it were possible to slow down time just a little, so I can savor these moments a LOT more… Greedy me!:)

Hope your 2016 has also been eventful so far..

Until next time..

xo

Blip blip..

Sometimes when my emotions over-power me, like it has been these part few days, I tend to retreat to my inner self, just to gain clarity, as one of the truest things I’ve learnt in life is not to act or react from a place of heightened emotions, because more often than not, when the emotions settle, our actions or reactions (which have risen from such a state) tend not to be what we are really comfortable with, to begin with… Not only this, actions and reactions from a heightened emotional place seldom get received the way they were intended to. Lose-lose, really!

Hmmm…. I wonder if that makes sense at all, but I have found it to be true for me, so I try to look inward rather than out, when my feelings are in their caffeinated state. That, however is not easy at all… Its a discipline, and it takes everything you have to be quiet, when all you want to do is scream till your inner voices are drowned out.

Ironically enough, certain nasty circumstances also tend to cross my path when I’m already in this state, this is perhaps the universe responding to my energy (go figure). And its only purpose feels like it is out to take what is left.

At times like these, when i feel like, I’ve given something my all, and its still not good enough, and at times when every fiber of my being is hurting, and my soul is in shambles, it helps to remember that I am nothing more than a blip in the universe, which has existed for billions of years before I got here, and will continue to do so billions of years after I leave. ALL that I am going through is meant to play out this way, but also that these circumstances are just momentary, because since I have started writing this post, so much has changed in the universe, be it the planetary movements, the various actions of the billions of people who are cohabiting this earth with me, and closer to home, there is my own state of mind, slowly shifting itself, to be more accepting..

Which only means that, now, and this moment has already started the domino effect of healing, and while I wait for the last piece of the domino to fall, my life and I will undergo a lot of changes, and at the end of it, I can only strive to handle these changes with a bit a grace.

If the grand plan entails that I go through this moment of pain, so be it.

For anyone who is reading this, if there is a sense of hopelessness or pain that is all-consuming, please know that it will pass. One day you will be better because of it… And if you’re scoffing at this statement and wondering about the basis of it, all I can say is, I’ve been there, heck, parts of me are still there, finding strength to still be on my two feet, only because of my faith while the bigger picture, the grand plan, whatever you call it unravels. Hold on, because as we speak, the universe is working to help you, just like it is moving to help me too..

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            Random picture of the galaxy, cause this post was getting too wordy!                              Pic Source: Google Images

Life: It may take everything you’ve got, but it is worth it!

Hang in there…

Until next time.

xo

Philosophizing…

Don’t hold the things which you freely receive in so much contempt cause one day the universe might send you circumstances where those same things turn malignant.. -Me!

In other words,

The face you choose to flip off today may be connected to the ass you might have to kiss tomorrow, its funny how the world is round like that. – Also Me!

xo

The best quote ever..

One of the best quotes I have read in the recent past is this:

books

“A book is made from a tree. It is an assemblage of flat, flexible parts (still called “leaves”) imprinted with dark pigmented squiggles. One glance at it and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, the author is speaking, clearly and silently, inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people, citizens of distant epochs, who never knew one another. Books break the shackles of time ― proof that humans can work magic.”
-Carl Sagan

I truly believe that this deserves its own post.

Until next time…

Enjoy the magic.

xo