Having just read 5 blog posts which give you questions that help you fall in love with someone, or get to know someone better, etc., in the last 20 minutes, I can’t help but think of why such articles are so popular. I mean seriously, there are hundreds of these, and the extremely intelligent algorithms of popular search engines or social media websites tend to throw up more and more similar articles “based on what you just read”. This doesn’t help the fact that we often read a lot of the same regurgitated content, which is getting reinforced in our subconscious.
While it is true that some of these are good questions to get to know someone beyond the superficial small talk, there is definitely one HUGE loophole that seems to be often forgotten.
Yes, questions are great, it keeps the conversation going, it helps understand some of the most predominant thoughts one has. But you know what, Talk is cheap. Anyone can piece together your interests from various sources (social media and such) and have endless conversations with you, while telling you exactly what they think you want to hear, instead of their true thoughts on the subject.
For example, if someone wants to get to know another person, the easiest thing is to look at what they say, what they react to, and what they like on social media. And then say and do the things that you like. Yes, as human beings we tend to flock towards people who are similar to us, or our “type”, call it what you will.
The reality of the matter is anyone can say practically ANYTHING, but it isn’t really worth much if it isn’t reflected n their actions as well…
From experience, I can tell you about quite a few suitors who knew the perfect things to say, practically every conversation ended with, “oh my god, I feel the same way” or “I thought I was the only one who felt this way” or similar words of concurrence, which made me feel like I had finally found “the One”, someone who “gets me”, but when it came time to actually walk the talk, the moment of truth, if you will, they crumbled and ran away as fast as they could.
And unfortunately such experiences tend to slowly chip away at your (for the lack of a better word) self-belief, you slowly start to doubt your ability to judge people/circumstances, you second guess yourself. You find yourself in moments where you feel gullible or foolish for not having seen the red flags which were being waived in your face just behind the pretty words.
If something appears too good to be true, do yourself a favor and take a giant step back, just to be able to see if everything adds up. Train yourself to be an observer of behavior rather than words. Learn to appreciate the ugliness of reality (real actions, real time) instead of falling for the beauty of an illusion. Learn to hear the things that are left unsaid, to read the precious messages which hide between lines, identify the seemingly insignificant actions that go often unnoticed.
This life is it. It is not a dress rehearsal to some big future event, this is it! Learn quickly, don’t waste too much time learning the same painful lessons over and over again till your heart no longer has anything left to feel.
Wait patiently for the person, look for answers in actions rather than words. Wait to find a partner who will not only have the perfect words to say, and the perfect timing to say it in, find the partner, who even when there are no words, will do the right things. Wait for someone who respects themselves and you enough to show you their true selves, scars and all.
And before you seek such a partner, BE such a person. You know what they say about like attracting like right?
Be someone who lives and breathes your words, and soon enough you’ll find yourself around people who do the same as well. It may take all the patience you’ve got, but it will be worth it.
Most of 21st century dating seems to be about games, one upping each other, being the one that cares less. God forbid, the person you are interested in should ever find out that you like them!
I am both amused and annoyed by this, but hey, no one said it would be anything different. In the day and age where meeting people is as easy as swiping left (or is it right, I’m not too sure), but you know what I mean..
Welcome to the reality of 21st century dating, its kinda like hunger games, it is brutal, but the prize is something that we would live and die for…. Love, glorious life-changing maddening wonderful Love!
So to all those who need it, best of luck out there.
Until next time..