Just me?

Have you ever had a dream that felt so real that you woke up to an almost rude reality that you were dreaming, and you’re still in your own bed. Exactly that happened to me last night/this am. It was a dream that felt so real, with friends who I haven’t been in touch with for well over a year, that I woke up wistful. It took me a few moments to notice that I’d been holding my breath. Does this mean that they are thinking about me or missing me? Or does it actually mean that I am missing them, and my subconscious mind decided to remind me this by way of dream. Pretty sure its just me. Either way, I shot out a message to one of them this am, because why not!

I wonder sometimes if our feelings, like our physical bodies (and stamina), are a limited resource, and believe me I am really starting to feel this as I inch slowly towards the big Three-Oh. If I give and give my feelings away to people, and not get it back (not necessarily in perfect reciprocity, life is hardly as simple as perfect fractions! OH MY GOD, I never figured I’d see the day when I thought MATH was simple, I guess this is what growing up feels like, Math starts to look less scary), will it run out one day? or is it more of a bottomless well, that I can keep infinitely drawing from, and from unknown depths, can keep digging out more… Most times I feel like its the second one, but on days like today I feel like it could be the first one. This makes me want to stop and keep my feelings to myself. Maybe that is what made me hold my breath when I woke up today.

Other times I wonder if its just me, who thinks so much about stuff like this, and hoping that one day I might get answers.

Until then (Read: my next post), here’s to the people who aren’t afraid of feeling, heavy lies the head…

Be good, feel more, live!

xo

Happy 2017!

Finally 2017!! May the coming days be the best, most glorious ever for all of us.

My plans include wearing high heels more often, finding (and wearing) the perfect shade of red lipstick, bringing back the classics, drinking champagne more often, and generally living the most glamorous life possible!

With this, I feel like I’m starting the year off rather well, and that makes me feel hopeful for whats to come.

Until next time, Feliz Año Nuevo! Blessed 2017 to everyone! ♥️

xo

NYE 2016 – Parting Thoughts

Last day of the year and I can’t help but take stock of the 366 days that we have spent going around the sun again. It is something I do every year, but this exercise feels more important this year because a LOT has happened over the past 12 months.The hopefulness of January which was quickly shattered (by an incident I don’t really wish to re-live here), the decision taken in February whose consequences lasted till July, Rude awakenings in August, Travels and mindless spending that took over my life in September and October, a welcome lull that was my November and Finally the December which was mostly spent on my back with a slipped disk, which I haven’t fully recovered from (another rude awakening).

Yes, the highlights look bleak, but it wasn’t all bad, there were a handful of moments which were utterly breath-taking and so lovely that it broke my heart, these were the quiet moments that didn’t make an appearance on social media. No remnants other than the memories that I will carry in my heart for life.

So simply put, 2106 had its moments of Bad, Good and downright Awful. But hey, its almost over and for once saying goodbye to something has never felt easier.

So while I wait for 2017 to finally arrive, I can only think of the things I will strive to do more of, are these New Years Resolutions? No. I’m not one of keeping them up..

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These are more of a fun list of things I hope to do more of, it makes me happy just writing this –

  1. Write more (consistently) – Give myself achievable targets and actually stick to them. Say three posts a month. So that gives me 10 days to churn up one post. Very do-able.
  2. Exercise MORE – For someone who has been working out for the last eleven years now, this is not some silly seasonal fad, I do however want to be more disciplined about it. Fix my back and make my body fit af! 2017 will be a year of beast-mode, and I can’t wait to get started!
  3. Click more photos – be more mindful to chronicle significant moments, whether they get posted or not!!
  4. Give more – Give more of my time, attention, advice & of course material gifts, especially to my loved ones.
  5. Learn to shoot a gun and get good at it. This has been a bucket list item for a long time! So in 2017, I will firstly get my membership at the shooting range, and make a schedule to visit it and learn. Its so badass, I love it!!
  6. De-clutter. De-clutter. De-clutter!!
  7. Be more mindful with money.
  8. Buy less and re-use and up-cycle more.
  9. Travel more – To places far and wide.
  10. Forgive more.
  11. Let go of old hurt & past grievances – Seriously, if lessons have been learnt, they serve no other purpose anymore. Let that shit go.
  12. Count my blessings every day.
  13. Expect the best from myself – Expect the best conduct, words and way of being. Polite, Polished, Graceful, Gracious and a little sassy.
  14. Change my job.
  15. Meditate more.
  16. Love more.
  17. And finally DANCE more.

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Happy 2017, everyone.. See you all next year.

xo

Wilde Wondering

This past week has been a pain in my back, sadly I mean that literally. My Monday started with shooting pain in my lower back, a pain so severe I couldn’t walk, or even move without crying, and on Tuesday it was diagnosed as a minor slip disc, and boy was I angry when I found out, it was unimaginable that me, a yoga doing 20 something girl could get it. It felt unfair and I was angry, although quiet on the outside, I was screaming internally. That was my state of being all the way till Wednesday. Finally around mid week, it dawned on me that One good thing that has come from this forced rest, is that I’ve had the time to stay still, meditate, do absolutely nothing, read and basically find a way to let all the pent up stress melt away.

One of the things that did happen this past week was finding part this amazing quote by Mr. Wilde, which is pretty much my life’s mantra, if you will, and it goes something like this –

 To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.

Here and Now – the Only truth, all that we can be sure of. Not tomorrow, not 5 years from now, not life when we’re say 60! Not even the past, your past glories or past embarrassments, its all nothing but memories now. Stories.

Now – this moment. And the biggest, possibly the most difficult task is to be fully present, mind, body and spirit. To enjoy THIS moment.

It may seem very new age-y and pseudo intellectual. But really, its not. To be present, truly present in the moment, to share that part of your life with the person/s you are with. It is the best thing you could ever do! Believe me, there have been such moments which I wish never ended, but they did, because such is life, it keeps moving on, whether you want it to or not.

Maybe that is something that we should keep in mind, especially when life has managed to knock you down to our knees. This is also only a phase, a moment which will change. (for better or worse, I’m not sure, but it won’t be this way anymore). I take a lot of comfort from this because when you’re back hurts, everything hurts. Its possibly as bad as a heartbreak. But I know that this pain is only temporary. Tomorrow (or even the next hour), my body could heal to make me stronger. Therefore, despite the pain, I can be at peace, that this moment too will pass, the discomfort gives me clarity to take better care of myself. And that I definitely will. 🙂

Now back to the quote, when I saw part of it, it looked like a quote about here and now, but when I read the whole quote, its not about life at all, but about death. That death is a state of being at peace, a state of nothing-ness. It is sneaky how we thing something (or someone) is a certain way based on just one side of what is presented to us, and when we take a look at the bigger picture, it tells a different story.

This is the whole Quote –

As always, Mr. Wilde has given me something to think about. Perhaps, it is not to be too quick to judge something. I for one, am guilty of getting carried away, but this quote, in all its deceptive glory, really does give me something to change about myself, maybe not change, but evolve.. 🙂 That does have a better ring to it!

Today and the coming days will be more about improvement, healing, letting go of old hurt, and embracing all that is to come.

I used to think that to be positive was to suppress any negative feeling or disregard negative thoughts, and just fake being happy till I actually felt happy. But lately, I’ve begun to realize that any feeling or emotion must be acknowledged and felt to be fully and properly released from your system, otherwise it turns toxic. So if you’re sad- be sad, if you’re hurt- be hurt, if you’re in pain – feel it, and then let it go. Don’t let it bottle up in a dark corner and fester, only to blow up in your face when you least expect.

This, for me, has been one of the biggest lessons of 2016.

To allow myself to not be numb, to actually feel and be present in every aspect of life- physically, emotionally, spiritually. The biggest lesson ever learnt is to surrender. To be able to surrender to the moment, no questions asked, has  been the most difficult and most rewarding experience. Life, after all is only now, that has been the biggest revelation.

All this, just in time for Solstice (winter solstice in the northern hemisphere and summer solstice in the southern hemisphere), its a perfect occasion to shift your energy from dark gloomy past and move to embrace bright new beginnings.

Solstice, it is believed, is a time the Universe gives us a bridge to let go of all that doesn’t serve us, and make space for a better brighter life.

If the earlier bit sounds too abstract, here is what you can practically do –

  1. Acknowledge the pain – Write things down, find a calm quiet place and write what you feel. Take stock of the year, both good and bad. Acknowlegde that it is okay not to have followed the plan. Life works out exactly as it should.
  2. Release the hurt – Now that you have written things down, release the pain. Don’t cling on to things and re live the hurt. Release it, by forgiving yourself, forgiving those you feel have hurt you, release that sense of entitlement. Imagine a calming energy envelop you as you let go. Forgive. You will feel ten pounds lighter!
  3. De-clutter – This can be done in many ways, the first thing to start with can be your physical space, your home, get rid of things you don’t need. Give things away.Clear your physical space. Then maybe do the same at your work place. And your online life – de-friend, unfollow and allow yourself to only be surrounded by things that really bring you joy. The rest is clutter, and they have got to go!
  4. Forgive – Forgive yourself. We tend to be our own harshest critics. Learn to also be your own biggest cheerleader. Its okay not to be perfect, but that is not an excuse to be unkind to yourself. Start by consciously forgiving yourself, and see how that will change your perspective.
  5. Embrace – After all the above, you will feel finally ready for all that is coming your way, embrace everything, the good and the bad. Find your bliss and cherish it.

Let this holiday season bring joy and light, because after the year we have all had, we deserve it.

Until next time, be good to yourself.

xo

2016- the last hurrah

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to stop time, or at least slow it down so I can savor the moment, but 2016 has not been one of those times. Of course, there have been moments which were exceptions, but those good moments are grossly outweighed by all the times I wished that time in 2016 actually passed quicker, if that were possible.

It has been a year of tough lessons, acceptance of disappointment as part of the bigger picture, being forced to grow and behave maturely and face things head on when all I wanted to do was crawl up into a void and scream uncontrollably till I passed out into a deep slumber that usually follows a good cry (just as it was the year before, and most definitely the one before that!). But somehow 2016 feels like its the worst of the lot. Either it is because I am also growing older and have a lowered tolerance for a lot of things, or its been a particularly brutal year, or maybe because its happening now so it feels like it is way worse than it probably will seem in the future, I can’t be sure. Either way, I’m glad 2016 almost done.

To be fair, I have also had some moments of true bliss, full-circle moments, being able to move past my own self-limiting beliefs and grow (and surprise myself). 2016 has  been a year that I can truly say I’ve given my all to every part of my life, be it professionally, be it to friends and loved ones, I’ve given my most sincere efforts, unconditionally, and not felt depleted or entitled.

Its been a year of embracing some good principles  which resonated with me like –

  • to invest in experiences rather than things;
  • to make more memories than acquire trinkets and souvenirs;
  • to give rather than take;
  • to be present (as much as possible, and as often as possible) rather than worry and drive myself crazy about the future;
  • to be selfless especially with my family;
  • to de-clutter rather than hoard;
  • to re-purpose and recycle as many things as I can rather than buy things;
  • to be more detached without being closed off;
  • to do small things ever so often for myself that make me happy – even if it is as simple as taking extra time to get ready, as long as I feel great about myself;
  • to be more unapologetic about my choices, and not feel the need to explain or make excuses for my life;
  • to choose to be graceful even when I’m met with the most rude and insufferable behavior;
  • to surround myself in beauty every day because that actually makes my heart happy;
  • To travel as frequently as I possibly can;
  • To create some semblance of balance between work and life; and so many more I’m sure.

So much has happened this year, and so much more awaits us in 2017.

The next 21 days feel like the last hurrah, the last leg before we officially get to say goodbye to this year, so my plan is to let go of the pain and burdens that have haunted me and free up my hands to embrace all the good that is on its way in the coming days.

I also know that you, my dear reader, have also had your own share of struggles, your lessons, your trials and tribulations, but know that its only a phase and the future will be beautiful because you will make it so. Somehow I just know. 🙂

Before this year closes, lets find a way to let go of things that no longer serve us.

A few practical ways to do that, I find (I’m sure this works because I am currently in the process of doing exactly this) –

  • Is to de-clutter your physical space (your bedroom, your house, your office, basically any space that you occupy for prolonged duration.
  • Start by sorting out old clothes, that you no longer wear (or fir into). get rid of anything that you no longer use, give them away. I know that you bought them with so much love and excitement, now its time for those objects to bring someone else joy!
  • Give away old books, that you have no intention of re-reading.
  • Throw out old makeup or old gadgets that you know longer use.

When you give things away and in a real way create more space in your life, you are ready and able to accept better things into your life.

And most important lesson I have learnt this year and which I will carry with me in the years to come is forgiveness. To be able to forgive myself and others, both being essential..

I hope you find your own path away from the Chaos that is 2016, and find your own way to let go and bid adieu to this year in grand style.

Until my next post, take care 🙂

xo

Hello December 


Today is finally December 1st, a socially acceptable day to start feeling Christmas-y!

One of my favorite childhood memories involves Christmas, it is the most wonderful time of the year indeed. I decorated the house with fairy lights, a small tree, loads of tinsel, the works.. I already feel better about the year.

2016 has definitely been a tough year for many many reasons, but it’s also been lovely in some ways, but somehow I feel the lovely ones break my heart more because those moments have passed, and I’m not sure some of those will ever happen again, so this is all the more reason for me to welcome December with my arms wide open, and a heart full of wishes..

I hope you have a wonderful December, and bid 2016 goodbye in style.

More from me soon, won’t stay away from here too long. Until next time. Enjoy December ❤️

xo

Three Years..

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Just saw the notification that my favorite corner on the internet, this Blog, turns 3 years old today.

I registered on WordPress and created this page on 01-11-2013 with utter excitement and after numerous posts, this site still gives me the same joy it did on day one.

This space has been my savior, my solace, my motivation, and most of all it has been a place for me to write, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

I sometimes wonder what it is I want to convey, and don’t really find an answer, because this blog isn’t just about ONE thing.I don’t really have one cause which makes me feel like I’m here to save the world, I can never be that presumptuous. I’d be glad if I could just save myself… I digress…

This blog is about many many things, and I hope that you, my dear reader, enjoy it as much as I do.

Thank you for reading.. ❤

Until next time, keep coming back 🙂

xo