Have you ever met someone and just clicked, suddenly and effortlessly you and this person have so much in common, you like the same things, you have similar philosophies about life, and everything seems wonderful, till one day this person disappears, no proper goodbye, no explanation, nothing… *Poof* they are gone, like a bad magic trick.
At first you think, they they must be busy, or there has to be a perfectly plausible explanation for the sudden disappearance. Then days go by, turning into weeks and you are left repeatedly checking your phone, looking for the “last seen“, checking to see if your friend is “Online“, and still finding that not even one of the times your phone beeps, it is your friend texting/calling to say hello again. After perhaps weeks, you realize that its time to let go of someone who has already left.
Given the day and age we live in, I think I can safely assume that all of us have faced this situation. And for those lucky few who don’t know what I’m talking about, this is called Ghosting. It is when a person finds it easier to disappear from another’s world than just say goodbye. Because often times leaving quietly is easier than messy farewells.. Its a horrible thing, but it happens way too frequently.
Unfortunately I have been on both sides of this, and the only time I have chosen to leave without a goodbye is when I have felt utterly disrespected, so much so that even a reaction to such a treatment was felt to be beneath my dignity.
Let me give you an example – In the recent past, there was a guy I liked (who liked me too, or at least that is what I deduced from his behavior). We have a ton of mutual friends, he was fun and confident, he constantly flirted with me, and then one day this guy turned around and said that he would go out with (date) me provided we kept it a secret. Wow! A secret boyfriend, lucky me! *NOT*
Did he expect me to be thrilled to bits by this proposition? Because that is just the fairy tale all of us grew up wanting right?
Did I want to be someone’s dirty little secret? No
Did I think I deserved better than that from a guy? Hell yes.
Did I want to whine and pout and put this guy on the spot, just so he’d agree to be in a non-secret relationship, which would most likely have a shelf life of a few weeks tops? Definitely NOT.
So what did I do – I politely ended the conversation and decided to stop giving my time and energy to people who treated me only as an option or as a dirty little secret they are too embarrassed by.
Now you might be thinking, this was easy for her, well… it really wasn’t. Walking away is never easy. But there are ALWAYS two sides to anything. To cut someone off, without a proper goodbye is hard, it hurts and its no fun at all. But, for the sake of your own self esteem, it has to be done.
Which brings me to today, when I am on the receiving end of this treatment (Is this Karma? Maybe). Perhaps I said or did something to offend this guy so much that he thought best to leave without a goodbye. Leaving me feeling utterly confused, inadequate and rejected.
Both times however (funnily enough), the only person left with a profound sense of rejection was Me.
Well, we are and can only be responsible for our own actions. Its best to be mindful about what we do, what we are putting into the world, rather than cultivate expectations and entitlement. While I retreat to my safe place to lick my wounds and soothe my bruised pride, here is a parting note – No matter what, whether you have cut someone off or you have been cut off, know that sometimes people enter your life only as a lesson, their role is over once they have taught you what you desperately needed to learn, nothing more.These are not your Knights in shiny armors, valiant enough to rescue you from your demons. After all, they too are too busy fighting their own demons and trying desperately to save themselves. We are all doing the best we can, aren’t we.
So remember – Not everyone you meet deserves an introduction to your soul.. But To ghost or not to ghost, that is the real question for this power comes with great responsibility. Use it at your own discretion.
Until next time, be good and be safe.