As I sit here watching, the shocking and extremely tragic news of the death of a high-profile woman in the country which was followed by a volatile and controversial Twitter War, unfold, parts of the story gnaw at some of my own old wounds.
Infidelity affects every part of the person who has had the misfortune of having gone through it. On the one hand, it might be the thrill of getting away with something (presumably), and on the other hand it is the betrayal, anguish and heartbreak that no words or combination of words can properly express.
If Love is one of the strongest and most amazing part of life, Infidelity is its Kryptonite and for a sad few, death is the only solace.. For the person who has been cheated on (the only side of it that I can fathom), What people around them fail to realize or choose to ignore is what it really does (Perhaps, its because of the sheer apathy towards another human being’s suffering).
What DOES it really do, You might wonder… Stating the obvious would be, it destroys the concept of trust, makes you lose faith in humanity, it shatters the self esteem and any sense of self of the person, it make you angry (the kind of anger that burns through your soul causing you unending pain), It makes you second-guess everything, a betrayal like that makes you question your instincts and at each step makes its ugly presence be felt. It makes you feel worthless and ugly, who probably deserved it. To put it simply, its like living in your own version of hell, unable to get out ! It keeps coming back to you in waves when you least expect it, leaving you in despair. Each time breaking your heart and shattering your soul a little bit more ! (This is actually putting it very mildly, I always wish that I was eloquent enough to really describe feelings so accurately).
Did all this happen to me, Yes.
Was it fun, Not even a little bit.
Would I wish it on anyone, ever…. Never !!
But Have I figured a way to overcome it and move on and become a better person in the process, HELL YEAH !!!
Here’s how I did it (Got over it and came out of my own little hell). I forgave myself, I forgave him, I forgave my past and started with the slate wiped completely clean, I refused to let my past and the bad choices of another person define, control and torture me for the rest of my life. And this conscious choice has been the best thing I have done for myself.
So After forgiving what seemed like a laundry list of people, circumstances etc, I started re-building myself (My relationship was close to six years long..), so It was time to get my identity back. To be Me again, the me that had gotten lost in that relationship over the years. I started doing things I enjoyed, watching movies, working out, spending time with the people I loved most, My family and friends. I prayed for strength.
But mostly, I did EXACTLY what my heart desired, I drove in a car rally and WON ! I reconnected with long lost friends, met them, reminisced about our school and college, about the times when life was so carefree and innocent. spent time with my best friend (God bless her, my angel she’s been), Spent time learning to cook, and so many more things. why, because I could… That’s why. And this, in a strange way started building up my self-esteem.
And what I started to realize is, as much as people complain about the bane of adulthood, I absolutely LOVE it !!! Don’t get me wrong, I loved my childhood, I loved school (well, parts of it), I enjoyed my college and university so much but I wouldn’t go back even if I could. here’s why, as an adult, you get to be your own person completely. whether you want to start a new business, or travel or take up a new hobby, You can do it !!! Okay, okay, It also comes with the so-called burden of being responsible and accountable for your own actions, but that’s a small price to pay for the freedom of being you, Isn’t it ! The best part of all this was, I got to make up my own rules, my own philosophies that carry me through tough times. I found my voice and began to fall in love with it.
The moment you realize that the past is just a story, it loses its power to hurt you. -Me
Of course, like anything worth having, this also requires a LOT of efforts, to make good choices, to forgive, to refuse to be bitter each passing day. But thankfully life is wonderful like that, it only come to us one day at a time (Phew ! Imagine how overwhelming it would be otherwise) It has been close to two years since I was told about it, I can honestly say, I can talk about it, write about it, give advice or opinions about it without feeling the pain anymore.
No pain, Just lessons learnt..
If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is ?
Before I end this post, all I really wish to say is this… infidelity need not result in a fatal tragedy, pain ends and life goes on, we even dare to love again because our foolish, incorrigible hearts are wonderfully strong like that, and be happy again. After all, we are stronger than all our problems..
God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, doesn’t he ! He must think I am super-woman !! *straightens my cape* 🙂
Unfortunately this lady in the news didn’t let her proverbial cape help her fly out and destroy her demons. My prayers go out to the loved ones in this tragic hour and to the lady, no more, rest in peace, beautiful soul ! .
Until next time…
Be Un-apologetically YOU ! ❤