Meeting the people we meet, is it all chance or is there some bigger master plan that only gets revealed when we look back and attempt to connect the dots.
Not getting what we wish and hope for, is it the universe helping us dodge a bigger bullet ?
I don’t know for sure but some of these questions have been on my mind for the past few days (more so than ever), and certain circumstances and the behavior of certain friends have got me questioning pretty much all that goes on around us.
I’ve been getting a rather awful vibe from this girl that I considered a good friend and initially I tried to brush it off as me having a bad day, or me over-thinking it and being overtly sensitive, but as the months have passed, that nagging feeling on the back of my mind has been getting stronger and my alarm bells have been getting louder and I’ve realized that there’s definitely something wrong with this relationship. I hate it when this happens (who doesn’t ?), the disintegration of any relationship is heartbreaking, to say the least, But clinging on to something that has gone bad is self-destructive, turning everything toxic from within.
Being someone who considers myself to be pretty superstitious, I feel like I have been struck by the evil-eye, In India we call it Dhristhi and this has made me feel like I have hit a few roadblocks and have been existing in this state of limbo and it has got to STOP, Like NOW !!!! I wondered how best I could do this and my Go-To solution for most problems (after sleeping it off) is cleaning, it can be so cathartic, it always helps to organize everything around me and take stock of what needs to be done, or maybe its just a futile attempt at gaining some control, perhaps. What better time than NOW to clear the clutter and detox, my body, mind, soul, surroundings and pretty much MY universe ! And when I started cleaning my room, I found this evil-eye protecting charm (the one in the photograph) that was given to me by an old friend and I didn’t need a bigger sign than that to know for sure that I am on the right track. This obviously means that I have to cut some ties, the ones who have wronged me, its not because I suddenly Hate you and for the record, I Hate no one, hating takes too much energy and I’d rather use mine for love..Hate is not only counter-productive, its destructive, Its merely because I love myself more.
To the ones I am letting go, in a weird way, I will always love you because if not for you, I wouldn’t have had the chance to learn certain lessons. I’m not a big fan of elaborate goodbyes so I won’t even try to say it, I will however say this, the world is too small, perhaps, we’ll meet again and if so, I’ll hope that the second comings will be more beautiful. Until then… Take Care…
Ah I said I won’t try and say goodbye, since it never fails to make me cry !! But looks like that is exactly what I have done.. In the midst of tears another question comes to mind, Is every action deliberate or are we merely yet another cog in the machine that is this universe ?
I guess, the optimist in me (which is pretty much ALL of me), likes to believe that we are all part of something bigger than ourselves, something more mysterious, perhaps something so powerful that we aren’t meant to fully understand it.
Something that is bigger than the sky, more powerful than the sun, something that is ultimately good and always looking out for us. And I personally like to call this something, the big guy in the sky.
So, to you, my big guy in the sky, I say this, Thank you for always watching my back !! My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me. .
Gratitude and Love