Have you ever had a dream that felt so real that you woke up to an almost rude reality that you were dreaming, and you’re still in your own bed. Exactly that happened to me last night/this am. It was a dream that felt so real, with friends who I haven’t been in touch with for well over a year, that I woke up wistful. It took me a few moments to notice that I’d been holding my breath. Does this mean that they are thinking about me or missing me? Or does it actually mean that I am missing them, and my subconscious mind decided to remind me this by way of dream. Pretty sure its just me. Either way, I shot out a message to one of them this am, because why not!
I wonder sometimes if our feelings, like our physical bodies (and stamina), are a limited resource, and believe me I am really starting to feel this as I inch slowly towards the big Three-Oh. If I give and give my feelings away to people, and not get it back (not necessarily in perfect reciprocity, life is hardly as simple as perfect fractions! OH MY GOD, I never figured I’d see the day when I thought MATH was simple, I guess this is what growing up feels like, Math starts to look less scary), will it run out one day? or is it more of a bottomless well, that I can keep infinitely drawing from, and from unknown depths, can keep digging out more… Most times I feel like its the second one, but on days like today I feel like it could be the first one. This makes me want to stop and keep my feelings to myself. Maybe that is what made me hold my breath when I woke up today.
Other times I wonder if its just me, who thinks so much about stuff like this, and hoping that one day I might get answers.
Until then (Read: my next post), here’s to the people who aren’t afraid of feeling, heavy lies the head…
Be good, feel more, live!