Yesterday I was told that it is perhaps my cynical attitude that has made successes elude me. Now this may seem a bit harsh, but in the context of the conversation, it actually wasn’t. However, it was enough to register in my mind, and had enough impact on me to make me want to write about it.
Like most cynical people, I wasn’t born this way. When I was (about) 15 or 16 years old, I was the doe-y-est doe-eyed idealist of a girl who believed that everyone had the same heart as me. I look back with awe at that girl, because she was uninhibited. As you can see I talk about her in third person, because I sometimes feel like that girl existed in a different lifetime than the me I am today. I would, however, like to believe that that girl still exists behind the armor that I have had to create to protect her.
Anyway, in the last three or four years (that I have noticed), there have been many instances where the supposed done deals have fallen through, never to be spoken of again. This has included people who wanted to collaborate with me professionally, job opportunities, business opportunities, and a few even in my personal life.
Which brings me to what I have learnt (the hard way) – People Say all the right things, but its a whole other story what they do. I have met umpteen number of people who where charmers, people whose words are so full of conviction that the listener (me) was bound to feel taken by it. But when it came to execution, these charmers were nowhere to be found, and often were the ones who averted their gaze and eluded me for months to come.
These “done deals”, had they worked out, would’ve changed my life. But it didn’t work out and my life changed anyway, its funny how life unfolds sometimes – my perceptions became clearer, my instincts became sharper. and generally became wiser (and perhaps a little cynical).
Now, in hindsight it feels like it all worked out for the best, because more details about these “done deals” have been revealed, many of which would not have been ideal by my standards.
Long gone are the day of Gentlemen’s Agreements or handshake deals. Today we live in a world where most people wouldn’t hesitate to do anything to make a quick buck, or make a fool of themselves for their 15 minutes of “fame”. This whole “anything for money/fame/success” attitude doesn’t appeal to me at all, in fact I consciously stay away from people who so brazenly lack scruples, I’m quite old fashioned like that with very conservatively drawn lines (maybe sometimes to my own detriment), I still believe that your word should mean something.
My biggest blessings have been unanswered prayers, where I have felt like it wasn’t an opportunity eluding me, it was actually me dodging a bullet.
So am I cynical about people, yes, because expectations lead to disappointment. But there’s also the faith that the big guy in the sky has my back.
And despite every disappointment, if I have found some reasoning or some lesson to sand off my own rough edges, I consider it precious.
Until next time