Fact: I’m not a very confrontational person, if/when I witness something that’s a lie, I don’t confront it immediately (or ever, sometimes), not because it makes me uncomfortable/fearful to do so, but because I like to see how far someone will go to keep up the deceit (like how dumb do you think I am). So instead of wasting my energy on confrontation, I use it to alter my judgment of said person.
However, the less confrontational you are, the more people try to bullshit you. A disturbing truth really. Yesterday, a person I know professionally, lied to my face, knowing fully well I knew it. He looked me straight in the eye and went about his lie (unrepentant). I was completely caught off guard, not because he lied, but because of his ability to do it so easily (and for a subject that didn’t really need it). All the respect I once had for this man turned into ash. I was so disturbed, it left me shaking for hours after.
My sad realization was – People Lie – (and I’m not talking about harmless white lies, I’m talking about the kind that could ruin lives). Given a chance, they will screw you over without even batting an eye. They even go so far as to use sweet words and manipulation to get an advantage over you, for something you’d probably happily do (isn’t that sad). The so called advantage at most times won’t even be worth the risk of losing the friendship/relationship (does that make any sense).
My second realization – and the more important lesson here is to know your boundaries. How much of someone’s BS are you willing to tolerate before you say enough. And how long will you stay quiet before you let the person know you know. Finding the balance is key. Of course, like most things its easier said. I find it easiest to go into the offensive by just shutting off. Lie to me once, and that’s the end of the line. No feedback, no confrontation, no drama, nothing. I simply shut shop and walk the hell away, no matter how much it hurts me. Funny thing is (and by funny, I mean sad), my best friend thinks I’m cold and hard (an ice queen) for my ability to walk away or cut people off, instead of seeing it for what it really is, self-preservation.
When people try their BS with you, take a deep breath, remember who the fuck you are, and start again.