Rant

Fact: I’m not a very confrontational person, if/when I witness something that’s a lie, I don’t confront it immediately (or ever, sometimes), not because it makes me uncomfortable/fearful to do so, but because I like to see how far someone will go to keep up the deceit (like how dumb do you think I am). So instead of wasting my energy on confrontation, I use it to alter my judgment of said person.

However, the less confrontational you are, the more people try to bullshit you. A disturbing truth really. Yesterday, a person I know professionally, lied to my face, knowing fully well I knew it. He looked me straight in the eye and went about his lie (unrepentant). I was completely caught off guard, not because he lied, but because of his ability to do it so easily (and for a subject that didn’t really need it). All the respect I once had for this man turned into ash. I was so disturbed, it left me shaking for hours after.

My sad realization was – People Lie – (and I’m not talking about harmless white lies, I’m talking about the kind that could ruin lives). Given a chance, they will screw you over without even batting an eye. They even go so far as to use sweet words and manipulation to get an advantage over you, for something you’d probably happily do (isn’t that sad). The so called advantage at most times won’t even be worth the risk of losing the friendship/relationship (does that make any sense).

My second realization – and the more important lesson here is to know your boundaries. How much of someone’s BS are you willing to tolerate before you say enough. And how long will you stay quiet before you let the person know you know. Finding the balance is key. Of course, like most things its easier said. I find it easiest to go into the offensive by just shutting off. Lie to me once, and that’s the end of the line. No feedback, no confrontation, no drama, nothing. I simply shut shop and walk the hell away, no matter how much it hurts me. Funny thing is (and by funny, I mean sad), my best friend thinks I’m cold and hard (an ice queen) for my ability to walk away or cut people off, instead of seeing it for what it really is, self-preservation.

When people try their BS with you, take a deep breath, remember who the fuck you are, and start again.

Rant Over.

xo

Advertisements

Confidence

img_6674

Confidence

I’m a firm believer of self-love, and a (very) healthy self-esteem, but unfortunately we are taught to not embrace that because it is often construed as conceit. It takes us years (unfortunately some of us take decades) to realize that a lack of self-love can be the most destructive, awful thing you can do to yourself. It makes you look outside (of yourself) for validation, making us hopeless people-pleasers (Eewww). Take it from me “People” are never pleased, you can do every single thing that someone wants, and they’ll still find a way to be unhappy or find reasons to tell you that you aren’t good enough.

Once you get used to embracing yourself, flaws and all, you can never go back.

Of course, this is not to say that we ignore our flaws, or genuine problem areas, and only “act” fabulous. Its takes a level of awareness to really appreciate the unique being you are, and a bit of effort to achieve a certain level of Fabulous.

I’ve struggled with this in the past, because we were always taught to be self-deprecating, and when faced with a genuine compliment, instead of a sincere “thank you”, we were taught to deny it and feel very pleased because we were being humble. It reminds me of that line from the movie, Mean Girls, where the mean girls give the new girl a compliment (telling her that she’s pretty) and when she says thank you, they retort with, “oh, so you think you’re pretty”). Ugh, I cringe every time I watch that movie, or real life counterparts of that scene.

I see you “humble” and raise you a “scoff” and an “eye roll”.

Why deny yourself and the rest of the world the fabulous-ness that is you.

I can literally talk about this forever, and never tire of it. But for now, lets take a moment to appreciate how wise young Tom Ford was, and do our best to build ourselves and the people around us.

Until next time.

xo
M

999 – Time for Change

Today is 09-09-2016 (which adds up to 9), so today’s date is 999 which some believe signify Endings. So if you, like me, have been feeling like you’ve been stuck, in a slump, or just used to the hopelessness of a monotonous routine, this day should give you a reason to be hopeful.

It is widely believed that when you often see sequences of numbers like 111, 222, etc., it is the Universe sending you a little message. I fondly refer to it as my own little moments of synchronicity, the moments of perfect alignment with the Universe..

I know, I know… Some of you might roll your eyes and dismiss all this as new age-y and hokey, and that is okay. This is just something that a lot of us find comfort in, and it is something that I hope gives hope to those who are at a dead-end. And that is okay too. 🙂

You might have been told to make a wish when the clock strikes 11:11, that is because 1111 signifies new beginnings, or awakening. Number 1111 is made up of the powerful influences of the number 1, amplified and magnified by four.  Number 1 resonates with the new beginnings and starting afresh, creation and creativity, self-reliance and tenacity, attainment, happiness, innovation, self-development and oneness with life.

09092016

Image Source – Google Images

Similarly, each of these number sequences have a different meaning and indicate something significant in your life that the Universe is nudging you towards.

999 signifies Closure, a time to move on. It may seem difficult right now to think that something is ending, because we are so conditioned to find sorrow in endings.But think of it this way, the thing that is ending is perhaps a bad phase, a particularly difficult aspect of life, an end of a toxic relationship, that has left your heart aching, it is time for all that to finally come to a conclusion. And like a beautiful sunset, it gives you the grace to bid adieu.  It is the Universe telling you that you’ve had enough of something.

For every ending also means that you are on the cusp of a new beginning. And beginnings like the sunrise brings with it a feeling of renewed hope. So smile, it is time for a wonderful new phase to begin, have a little faith and know that all this is somehow part of a plan, and someday we will be able to see the dots connect, and oh boy, will it be a stunner!

I hope today is a wonderful day for you, say goodbye to your former self, your hardships, your anguish, its time to finally close that chapter.. Sleep well tonight, and get set to make tomorrow a brand new start and welcome new experiences to your life.

For what is to come, I wish you luck.

Until next time..

xo

Dear Universe

When I see the date stamps on my last 10 posts, there is one thing I notice (and I am not proud of it), and that is how there are times when I am writing machine, and other times when I am completely MIA months on end. If there is one thing I wish to work on, it is to be more consistent with writing. Good, bad or ugly, just to be able to write. I will try to be better and take more time to write. If I am honest with myself, I can’t hep but admit my non-writing phases are never because I have no time, or nothing to write about or the glamorous writers block, but its mainly because I sometimes wonder what my writing really means to me. Do I write to impact, do I write only as a cathartic exercise, do I have a message for the world.. I wonder.

Like so many people who write, I too write so I can express my deepest thoughts, my fears and my hopes. Writing gives me an outlet like no other form of art (or communication), with no interruptions, with no need to polish my emotions with pretty words, and hope that what I said and whats understood have some resemblance to each other. We all after all live believing that the world around is as we are. But what does it all really mean.

In my 20+ years here, I have had multiple existential (for the lack of a better word) crises. So many times I’ve stopped dead in my tracks just to wonder about what life really means. What it means to be alive as opposed to merely existing, what it means to be in sync with the cosmos, what it means when we get hurt, or when we encounter the ugliness of this world, when we encounter undeserved rudeness, when we are given what we feel was undeserved..

What could all this mean, what role do I play, is it enough to stand my ground when the world is hell bent on telling me I am living my life wrong.

I find myself often wondering about what it is I really want, the life I want, the things, the aspirations, what exactly does this mean to me?

So for today, there are no answers, at least none that I can find within. Only questions which I’m sending out to the universe, with a strange certainty that one day all the dots will connect.

Until then, more questions.. 🙂

xo