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CatchLight- Signs

One of the patterns I have noticed is when life builds me up only to disappoint me in the end (if that is what it is), my emotions go blank because heavens know I despise wasting anything, especially time and energy, and the inevitable writers block hits.  Words don’t work unless you feel them.  Defense mechanism for each of us works differently, I suppose.

The only way to get over anything is to acknowledge it and release it, and once that is done, the beauty around us becomes visible again.  I try to look for signs, something that makes the ugliness you just endured, worth it.  Because anything in contrast it feels more stark, like a spark of euphoric joy after a prolonged period of being numb.  Like coming out of a movie theater, and facing a moment of blinding light of the world.  The light has always been there, its only up to us to look for it when we are finally ready.  When you look for signs, signs will come for you.  What is it about what you seek, seeking you right back.

Sadly, I have been hearing news about ghastly incidents from my circles these past few days, news of 2 untimely deaths being the most extreme.  And although these aren’t people who affect me personally, death is always a tragic reminder that life is meant for the living, feeling and savoring the good, bad & the ugly.

The sheer uncertainty of life is the equalizer which connects us all, and it makes me want to always train myself to look for beauty, because it is all so deliciously fleeting.  Like when a butterfly flits past you on a summer day.  It lasts just a few seconds, and if you’re me, it’ll make your soul dance with joy that the Universe just gave you a little wink to let you know it’s all going to be okay somehow.

When life feels too overwhelming, look for signs.

Peace & Love

xo

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CatchLight- Airplanes

There’s something about airports that moves me. Maybe it’s because it’s a place where so many people are saying their goodbyes or that so many more people are arriving doe-eyed to a new place or that some are finally just coming home. Whatever it is, it represents movement, much like life itself. ✈️

Peace & Love

xo

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CatchLight- Familiar Paths

Some paths are so familiar that we can walk it with our eyes closed, and that is what living life on auto-pilot feels like. Have you driven on the same route so many times that when you reach your destination you take a moment to think how you got there, did you jump any red lights?

That’s the thing about routine, our muscle memory takes over, which means that our minds are no longer observing its surroundings, or looking at the world in wonder anymore. Our bodies are just present and functioning.

I think that’s why the line – Stop and smell the roses – is such a favorite among life coaches & new age gurus (& me – I love roses ;)). But they aren’t really telling us anything new, we already know this stuff, perhaps we have allowed ourselves to forget because we are so busy being busy, caught up in our routine.

Being mindful means to live deliberately, to make choices that enhance you and the world around, to make each interaction meaningful, to switch off auto-pilot mode and engage all your senses as you take on each day.

Pictured above is the path I walk every day, its only recently that I have started noticing how – the trees allow very little sun rays to reach us, or  how the leaves rustle gently as the wind blows, or how squirrels who are snacking on nuts and scamper when people walk by, of how there are flowers of all my favorite colors on the trees that line this path. Every day beauty surrounds us, so does ugly, it is all a matter of perspective. Slow down and look around, you might find something that stops you in your tracks in awe.

Peace & Love

xo

Note to self 

Lately I find myself struggling, and this might have been a reflection of my recent posts as well, it is easier to post beautiful photos and not worry about articulating my thoughts. I go through these phases of extreme intensity (maybe its a result of living inside my own head, so much) its an inner turmoil that just doesn’t seem to settle. Like someone (perhaps me) has kicked up the dust which now refuses to settle down, and I can’t see. I have gone through these phases sometimes, and the only way to manage this is mostly by looking inward, no one else gets to hear about it, and this is the first time I have attempted at writing about it, simply because writing is often therapeutic and cathartic, so hopefully by the end of writing this, I will feel a bit unburdened, so here goes.

If there’s one thing I hate, its wasteful suffering (or wasteful anything!), I believe if something makes you suffer inexplicable pain, there HAS to be a higher meaning or purpose behind it. But during these phases, I feel like the world makes no sense, and that our suffering (whatever they may be) are all pretty senseless, in the grander scheme of things, after all we are merely a blip in the universe, I don’t know if my inner turmoil has any bearing on the bigger picture (nor if it should?).

Recently, one of the external causes for my suffering has been a malicious stranger stalking, threatening and harassing me (and my family). A faceless person, who holds a grudge (he seems to have cooked up in his head).

It all started a little over a month ago, when a man I don’t know started sending me hateful, angry and threatening messages on Facebook messenger. (I know, I know, most women on the internet have probably dealt with trolls like this, & I’m merely a statistic). But this man seemed to know and names & details about members of my family, and has made them a subject of his threats. That’s when things get real freaky, because my personal social media accounts are set to the highest privacy settings, so the only people who know/have access to certain details are people who are directly connected to me. Which means this stranger has access to my account through someone who is directly connected to me. And I don’t know who it could be.

You should note that this kind of a thought leaves you feeling paranoid. You become suspicious of everyone, and then its all a slippery slope.

So this man, tracked down the phone numbers of one of my family members and tried to reach out to me a few days back.

It has left me speechless and baffled that a complete stranger, who clearly doesn’t have a life, can harbor such hatred for someone who lives hundreds of miles away, and is a complete stranger. (yes, I realize I’ve said that already!)

My only fault, I exist, and I have a Facebook account (and a private one, at that!)

If you have never been stalked, let me paint you a picture as to how it feels – you get jumpy every time the phone buzzes, you constantly look over your shoulder every time you leave the house, you react angrily to small things, you feel constantly guilty for causing stress to your loved ones, you shudder involuntarily because you don’t know who the stalker knows you through. You feel like screaming uncontrollably, and that is pretty much all you do inside your head when you get a moment to think. NO ONE ELSE will get the intensity of the fear you feel because it is bone-deep. You lose faith in humanity, (even the little bit you didn’t realize you had left). You lose your faith in god because you don’t understand why you are being put through this. You frantically retrace every single encounter you could’ve possibly had in your life to figure out if you’ve inadvertently offended somebody. All you will want to do is curl up into a ball in a pitch dark room because that it your only safe place, but life commitments won’t let you. So you put on a neutral face and head out to honor your commitments (professional ones).

Some might think this is a bit of an overkill, but this is the second time in my life I am being stalked, and believe me, this is putting it mildly.

Both times, my only fault was that I existed, minding my own business, being careful of my actions, dreaming & planning big for my own life.

Why do certain things happen? I often wonder, more so at times like these.

Surely the Universe can’t have such a sick & twisted sense humor (assuming this is supposed to be funny!).

The only thing I can do it let go of everything I feel, and it will probably take everything I have to be able to do this. But I am at a point of exhaustion, too tired to even feel anything anymore, and have to let it all go.

xo