Effloresce23

Chronicling my thoughts, one post at a time..

CatchLight- Cotton candy clouds

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My eternally favourite canvas – the sky, with cotton candy clouds. I wish I could articulate my love for the endless sky better. But that’s the thing about language, it is frustratingly inadequate sometimes. 

Till I find the words for it, I suppose photos will have to suffice, after all they are worth a thousand words, no?

Peace & Love

xo

CatchLight- Unexpected gifts

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Life has a way of taking your breath away when you least expect it, with unexpected blessings. Today I was fortunate enough to see butterflies flitting about, had wonderful conversations with friends, a productive day at work and finally come home to get unexpected presents.

I find that you get more and more wonderful moments when you’re grateful for the ones you already have. Like attracting like is more a scientific fact than just new age-y stuff. Lately I have cultivated a life altering habit of counting my blessings instead of complaining.

Until next time, try counting your blessings. ❤

xo


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Letters

Have you ever felt the most intense emotions imaginable, and then felt like you would probably never feel that intensely ever again? It makes me wonder if our feelings (especially our ability to love) are a finite resource, like if I kept feeling it, and sharing it, that one day I could run out.

I remember, about a decade ago, I was very into writing letters, hand written thoughts penned down on pretty stationary – to friends, to my then boyfriend, to my parents, to myself, you name it, and I’ve written letters on every subject possible. For a while that was my thing, I’d add a little hand written note with birthday gifts, or just write little notes to myself and leave it in different places to find. I absolutely adored it.

And then something changed, I had my first big heartbreak, the kind that I didn’t think I would survive, the kind that made me lose years trying to recover from, the kind that changed me forever. The only way I knew to survive it, was to numb myself to everything. Life became very mechanical, I reveled in my routine because it kept me busy. I made my time for myself so scarce that I didn’t have time to even think about anything beyond the superficial, my appetite was gone, but I ate so that the people around me wouldn’t be worried, I stated covering up my hollow eyes, and the tracks of my tears with pretty makeup, so no one would ask me if I was okay, which I knew would only have one result – me bursting into tears and coming unhinged and have my broken heart on display for all to see. I put on a happy face and went on with my day.

I did this more for my parents than for myself, the last few years of that relationship was difficult and volatile and sadly witnessed by my parents. I knew that I would not add to it by being a broken girl. They did not deserve it, and I would be damned before I put them through more pain.

So after the big heartbreak, I stopped allowing myself to dwell, to cry, or feel sorry for myself. I was barely 23 years old and completely disenchanted with life. I had numbed myself, this meant that I wasn’t really letting myself feel anything – good or bad.

I did this for years, before I was okay again. Different from who I was before, but okay. Stronger somehow.

One of the things that changed after this was I stopped writing letters. I didn’t know what to write anymore, I didn’t want to be the silly little sentimental girl anymore, that part of me, the naive romantic who loved the charms of hand made, hand-written messages, had gotten lost during the process of life. In the last few years, I haven’t written any letters, my newer friends don’t believe me when I reminisce about it, and some have even felt offended that they haven’t been recipients of them.

So as I sit here, wondering about why I am even thinking about them, I realize that I still love them, I love putting thoughts into words, and letting my feelings be translated onto paper, for another person to read.

Maybe One day, I will write letters again, I can only hope because that to me is an act of love.

magic

To be able to express myself like that again, fearlessly and freely, would be wonderful! Which brings me back to my first thought, have you ever wondered if our feelings are finite, that it is possible to feel everything all at once and exhaust it.

I’m pretty sure that that isn’t likely, as long as there is hope, the possibilities seem endless, like there is this secret part of our being which allows us to surprise ourselves with how deeply we feel (good stuff and bad). That to me is Magic!

Until next time, thank you for reading!

xo


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2017 – Valentines Day <3

The day of Love AKA Valentine’s Day 2017 has been a great day!
Image result for valentines day images

Source – Google Images

Although I’m very irked by the whole ONE day for Love deal, I had the most wonderful day possible, with surprises that I hadn’t expected, and expected events that didn’t happen (Just yet?), but at the end of the day, I am in love all over again. The kind of love that makes you hopeful, that it only takes one second for the Universe to bless you with everything you’ve been hoping for (and more).
Even once you’ve taken off he rose tinted glasses, Love is everywhere, whether it is your parents, your best friends or (best of all) even yourself, there is ALWAYS love around you waiting to be noticed. So as I get ready to turn in, I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed and tongue-tied, and when words don’t come easy, I rely on words of the Greats who knew their way around the typewriter.
What better poem that the one I chanced upon today – a perfect synchronicity. A poem about a man who loved a love so, it made the angels envious.
Annabel Lee By Edgar Allan Poe
It was many and many a year ago,
   In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
   By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
   Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
   In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
   I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven
   Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
   In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
   My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
   And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
   In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
   Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
   In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
   Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
   Of those who were older than we—
   Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
   Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
   Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
   In her sepulchre there by the sea—
   In her tomb by the sounding sea.
I hope that this year brings a love that even Angels in heaven envy.
Until next time, Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤
xo