Impact

Sometimes when I look around, all I see is apathy. Its like all of a sudden being utterly rude is not only acceptable but trendy. Lately I’ve been witnessing casual body shaming, people calling each other fat or chunky (WHAT!), or commenting on each others bodies (in a bad way), and today reached a peak when I witnessed casual body shaming on a post on instagram, and found myself a bit rattled.

Let me elaborate: Some boy (who probably thinks he’s very cool, but clearly isn’t) commented on a photo (on which I was tagged) which was posted a year ago, and commented on how my friend looked fat and his exact words were “U look extraordinarily fat ni**a“. And since I had just woken up I thought it was a comment for me. I was fully itching to hit the block button. But when I opened the app, I realized that this little creep had commented on my friend’s appearance (keep in mind that this girl is sixteen years old and someone I’ve known from the day she was born).

What bothered me most about this was that somebody had taken the time to scroll past 1 year’s worth of posts and chose to (very deliberately) say something nasty on comments (for all to see). And I wondered would this fool have said something nice on a one year old post, I’m certain he wouldn’t.

Here is the sad truth:

Was this comment the worst I have heard – sadly No.

I’ve been called fat, chubby, and versions thereof – Chubs, chubitha, tubs, tubsy, tubitha, tub-tub, “healthy” (the shade of it!) and many many more, and the irony is I have never been overweight, maybe a bit out-of-shape sometimes, but never over the limit of being overweight.

Will this impact her for a long long time – most likely.

I don’t think I know one woman who doesn’t have body issues, there is ALWAYS something. And that something would’ve stemmed from a casual comment from someone they most sought validation from and more unfortunately random people.

That’s the thing about words, they are powerful enough to stay on our minds longer than we let on.

These kinds of unsolicited comments unfortunately lead to unhealthy habits like skipping meals to full blown anorexia (it spirals quicker than you know), or over-exercising (to a point of injuries) or just general self-hate (the most toxic self-destructive of all). Needless to say (and given some of my nicknames), I’ve struggled with body image issues for over half my life, and sometimes still do, when encountered with people with big mouths and nasty minds.

Here is what I wonder, would this person with his unsolicited comment, have said something nice or given a genuine compliment when he was 52 weeks deep in somebody’s feed. I doubt it. After all, most people don’t even “double tap” on posts for the fear of letting someone know that they liked a picture (does that make sense). God forbid someone thinks of them as nice.

I wonder does it make people (like this) feel powerful when they withhold kindness, or would they be as quick with a kind word as they are with cutting ones. I have yet to find answers.

But here’s what I know for sure, people like this are miserable and deeply unhappy about something in their own lives, and instead of dealing with that, they choose to spread the venom. If you ever encounter an unkind person (which you will), more than fearing their opinion of you, realize that they probably struggle with their own demons. Ask yourself, do you really want validation from someone who doesn’t even like themselves? How can they like you when they probably can’t even like themselves. After all, people mostly see you as they are and not as you are.

And despite all this awareness, its not lost on me the impact negativity has, and its disheartening that sometimes when I look around, all I see is apathy.

Hoping someday it will change!

xo
M

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Tuesday thoughts

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Tuesday Thoughts

When the work week is hectic (like this one), I try to make a bigger effort to make time for things I love, like taking the time to make my favorite tea, or re-read the most beloved parts of my favorite books, or simply meditate a little while longer. Because if there’s one thing I’ve realized, its that life is never perfect, its more about fleeting moments which can be.

Happy Tuesday!

xo
M

Big Picture

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Big Picture

Most times when I have been disappointed, I’ve noticed that its more because of my own attachment of what the outcome should be, rather than what actually is. Like an unanswered text, for example, or an outcome to a situation I’ve been hoping for.

In the end, when I started training my brain to see the grander scheme of things, and noticed that nothing ever belongs to us. Not even our worries. After all, we are living on borrowed time, in a realm of infinite possibilities, and finite time. We have now. We have the company of the people around us (and if you’re lucky enough, they will love you), and certain material comforts that we need, and nothing else really matters.

So don’t sweat the small stuff.

Happy Weekend

xo

For the ages

Ever so often, I come across something that makes me stop and think about what I want in life. When I saw this picture of this gorgeous couple while scrolling through my favorite social media platform, I couldn’t help but fall in love with it, save it, and share it. Anything that lasts the test of time gets my respect, antiques that last for centuries, old cars that still work perfectly, marriages/romances/friendships that last decades, they all have one common denominator – someone (or some people) who chose to take care of something with loving care.

I used to be very irreverent (subconsciously) and not treat things with the respect they deserve, and tossing things around (especially my phone), not bothering to put things back in its place right away. And I’d be puzzled when they didn’t last forever. Unfortunately that is what happens when things are taken for granted. Think about it, whether its things or people, taking something for granted is the shortest route to its demise. I’ve lost friendships (over the years) because I’ve taken them for granted or vice versa. I’ve broken cherished things because of not treating them with care, and felt foolish (and wasteful) when replacing them.

Something about pictures like these act as reminders that when you treat your belongings/relationships with care, so they will last you for the ages, and don’t need to be replaced very often.

Realizing this in recent years have impacted everything I do (more importantly how I do). It is something that makes all my actions feel more deliberate and intentional.

Seriously, who doesn’t want forever?

Much Love

xo